Over and Over
by nerdie
Summary: "I hate myself. I hate Percy Jackson. He's worse than Hera on a rampage. He's worse than one of Apollo's haikus. I hate him. I hate what he's done. I hate what he's doing. I hate what he's doing to me." Nico-centric. His thoughts on his feelings towards Percy starting from TTC all the way to HoH. His internal struggle with his emotions. Nico's POV. Forbidden Pernico/Percico
1. Over and Over

**So...hAYYYYY. ANOTHER HoO FANFICTION FOR Y'ALL. On my last one a lot of you responded in saying that you'd read another fanfiction! Well...here's one! Not the one I promised (sorry but I will do it I swear on the River Styx) but I had to do this one. It's a song fic for Nico talking about his feelings fro Percy from when he first met him to HoH. Pleaaaaaaseeee give it s shot. Please? *juts out bottom lip. clasps hands together. pleads***

**Disclaimer: PJO and HoO do _not _belong to me no matter how much I want them to. All mistakes are my own. **

**Sooo...yeah! I'll try to get on the other fic I promised, but in the meanwhile I hope this will do!**

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_I feel it everyday it's all the same _

_It brings me down but I'm the one to blame _

_I've tried everything to get away _

_So here I go again _

_Chasing you down again _

_Why do I do this? _

I hate myself. I hate Percy Jackson. He's worse than Hera on a rampage. He's worse than one of Apollo's _haikus_. I _hate_ him. I hate what he's done. I hate what he's _doing_. I hate what he's doing to _me_.

When I first realized my true feelings, I was in denial. Pure denial. It couldn't be true. I mean, how could it be? No. I had always felt out of place but this was absolutely _horrible_. It couldn't be true. But when I saw him, Percy Jackson, the first demigod I'd seen in action, I knew that he was a true hero. And then something began to bubble up inside my stomach. It was kind of uncomfortable yet it felt…_nice_. It felt_ right_. He was funny. He was kind. And he'd saved me. Bianca and me.

Bianca. She'd died. Percy had broken his promise. He'd_ let_ her _die_. I tried to convince myself that it was all _his_ fault. That I was angry with _him_. I'd called on the earth to swallow him up and hopefully take the pain down with him. But when I saw those skeletons go after him—I couldn't let them hurt Percy. No, Percy had saved me. Then again, he hadn't saved my sister. I was so conflicted, so confused, and I fled. I ran as far away as I could hoping he wouldn't follow.

I was angry. But it wasn't with Percy Jackson. It was with myself. Nico di Angelo. I was angry at my own emotions. But I told myself over and over that it was at that stupid, green-eyed, black haired idiot who killed my sister. So I said that I hated him. Yet…I really didn't.

_Over and over_

_Over and over _

_I fall for you _

_Over and over_

_Over and over _

_I try not to _

When I saw Percy Jackson again, it was at the Triple G ranch. I remember walking out of the house very impatient with Geryon, when I saw him standing there my heart skipped a beat and I pulled a sword on him. I'm not good with emotions, okay?

Over the past few months I had been able to convince myself out of my feelings. That I really_ did_ hate the jerk. But then I saw him again. And the butterflies in my gut came back. Stupid butterflies. I hate them. I hate my emotions. I hate everything to do with the stupid son of Poseidon. Even so…I was sort of happy to see him. I didn't want to be, but it just happened. Again.

No. It couldn't be. I _refused_ to admit anything because there was nothing to admit. I hated Percy Jackson.

_ It feels like everyday stays the same _

_It's dragging me down and I can't pull away _

_So here I go again _

_Chasing you down again _

_Why do I do this?_

I refused to go with him. I didn't want to be near him. He caused too much emotion. I hate feelings. I hate a lot of things. And they all root back to Perseus Jackson. The boy who both saved my life and ruined it.

So he went back into the Labyrinth with his friends I stayed at the ranch for a little while. When I got back into the maze, I met Percy…_again_. There was no avoiding him. Even in a gigantic maze underneath an entire _city_. I was sick of him.

After we'd escaped Minos, we got right back into the Labyrinth. I really had no choice but to go with them.

Then came Kronos. California and the eucalyptus plants. Percy had come sprinting out of the entrance as Rachel sent a blue, plastic hairbrush whizzing into the Titan's eye. I'd stood there and I forced the rocky ground to fly upwards in a temporary barrier. It just had to hold long enough for us to get away. For _Percy_ to get away. I just couldn't let him get hurt. It wasn't possible. I couldn't let it happen. I _wouldn't_ let it happen. Despite the part of me that wanted to slap his face multiple times and run him through with my Stygian Iron blade.

Then we had ran. As far as we could until we felt like we were going to pass out. I'd slid my back down the wall, Percy right behind me. And we just talked. _He_ just talked. And it sent my heart on a rollercoaster that only went up. So now I hate rollercoasters.

_Over and over_

_Over and over _

_I fall for you _

_Over and over_

_Over and over_

_ I try not to _

_Over and over_

_Over and over _

_You make me fall for you _

_Over and over_

_Over and over _

_You don't even try _

Dad had put Percy into a cell. I should've been ecstatic. There he wouldn't be able to screw with my head and my feelings. But I'd gotten angry and defied my father's wishes and traveled to his prison. There he pushed me up against the wall with his sword, choking me. I mean, I couldn't blame him. Maybe it would be better if he had killed me. No more conflict inside myself. But he'd let me go and just glared angrily and me. I shook it off; the guilt and the disappointment and the sadness. I never meant for Percy to get thrown in a cell. I just wanted to know _something_ about myself. Something different from all that Minotaur dung about Percy. Oh gods, I could _never_ get him out of my head. So I needed to find something else to think of.

My mom.

What would she think of me now? She'd probably be disappointed. I wouldn't be surprised. I was a mistake. A big black stain on a piece of otherwise spotless canvas. I've never amounted to anything and I never would. I was a disgrace. A giant screw up. Gods, my life was a complete _mess_. But then I'd come to the big battle in New York with my father. I'd raised the dead. And that was the first day I'd actually felt like something. Even if it quickly died away.

Then that night after the big feast where I didn't eat anything, I walked away. I was back to running. And again, it was the result of the big dolt: Percy Jackson. I swear on the River Styx that I will just slap him one day for all the pain and confusion in my life.

He'd also come after me this time._ Great._ And for some reason he'd asked me to stay. But then he actually thought it through. He agreed. I didn't belong at Camp Half-Blood. I didn't belong anywhere.

So in the end I just trudged away. Half of me wanted Percy to call after me. Place a hand on my shoulder and ask me to stay, say I was worth something, and I'd be able to stay at camp and try to make friends. The other half scolded the first for thinking like that. I would never have friends. I would never amount to anything. And Percy would _never_ ask _me_ to stick around. This wasn't my place. My place was oblivion. Far away from _him_.

_So many thoughts that I can't get out of my head_

_ I try to live without you, every time I do I feel dead _

_I know what's best for me _

_But I want you instead_

_ I'll keep on wasting all my time _

I saw him Camp Jupiter. _What was he doing at Camp Jupiter?!_ I was so confused. And then the butterflies fluttered in. I wanted to whip out a fly swatter and_ kill. Every. Last. One_. Then some idiot twin giants kidnapped me, and again, I needed Percy Jackson to save me. He was never going to be out of my life, was he?

Eventually he came with some brand new demigods—the Seven—and saved me. And then after that, he fell into Tartarus. He _fell_ into _Tartarus_. _INTO TARTARUS_. My gods, this guy was a _magnet_ to trouble and danger.

But I'd let him fall. I'd _watched_ him fall. Into Tartarus. With Annabeth. But I'd made a promise. And this was _Percy_ we were talking about. So of course I had to_ fulfill_ that promise. Damn him. Condemn him to the Fields of Punishment. But I didn't really mean that. He was a hero. That _idiot_ was a _hero_. He would go to Elysium. I was sure of it.

I needed this guy to stop messing with my emotions. Over and over again he would just go around shoving butterflies down my throat and into my stomach. Jerk. Gods, I _hate_ him. But I don't. Which is why I do.

So I stayed with the rest of the Seven on the _Argo II_. I sailed to the House of Hades intent of keeping my promise to him. No matter how much I didn't want to.

But then came Croatia. And Cupid. _Cupid_. Damned by a man who was supposed to fly around in a diaper. He was a true monster. Him and his stupid games. What made it even worse was that Jason was _there_. Witnessing the _entire. Thing._ All the walls and barriers I'd put up around my feelings came crumbling down. Like someone had set fire to them like they were paper. It was over. The entire façade. I was done. Jason would never look at me the same again. He'd tell Percy. He'd tell_ everyone_ and in the blink of an eye…everything I'd built…my entire life…would fall.

The misery and despair practically _radiated_ off of me. My head was as low as a _kabloteps_. I slowly brought my eyes up towards Jason's to meet…a sympathetic gaze? He didn't freak. He didn't run. He didn't yell. And most importantly, _he didn't tell anyone_. But yes, he did look at me different after that day.

I was so ashamed. I didn't want my feelings to be real. I knew that I should just forget Percy. It would never happen. He was in love with Annabeth. They were happy together. But I couldn't seem to shake this feeling. I knew I was wasting my time. I knew it would never happen. I knew that what I wanted would never come true.

But I also knew that I could never forget him. I knew that I would always remember the feeling he gave me. I knew that I would always get the feeling he gave me. I knew that nothing could ever dim my feelings for him. I knew that I could never let him get hurt. I knew that I would always be watching him with Annabeth. I knew that I'd do everything I could to protect him. I knew that I would never let him know. I knew that I would die for him in a heartbeat. I knew that he would be with Annabeth forever.

But that didn't matter.

Because I loved Percy Jackson.

_Over and over_

_Over and over _

_I fall for you _

_Over and over_

_Over and over_

_ I try not to _

_Over and over_

_Over and over _

_You make me fall for you _

_Over and over_

_ over and over _

_You don't even try to_

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**So...uh...there it was! *laughs nervously***

**I do hope it wasn't horrible OOC. I just heard the song and immediately thought of Nico. If you guise like it...I have a few other songs that could be inspirations for more songfics...? Only if you guise liked this one...I hope you did...DID YOU?**

**Sorry for any spelling or grammar things or any mistakes. **

**Nico-centric again. He's perfect. I really was hoping to capture his confusion and his battle with his emotions...did I? **

**Please review and favorite and follow and whatever please! PLESE! But seriously...please? **

**I do hope you enjoyed! Drop a review to let me know if you did! :)**

**Song: Over and Over**

**Artist: Three Days Grace**

**^^^ Y'all should check it out. I really love it. It's v amazing. **


	2. author's note

**So...thanks to all the people who responded to the story and all that shiz. Rn i'm actually in my room listening to Three Days Grace (THEY'RE SO AMAZING. I LOVE THE ONE-X ALBUM)**

**I'm bored and I may fall asleep but ultimately I don't know. So if anyone has any story suggestions...I may do some one shots. Idek but only if y'all want meh too. So uh...any suggestions? No lemons pls.**

**Other than that, ASK AWAY.**

**And number 2...did y'all like the TDG song fic?**

**Yours truly, **

**nerdie**


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